My siblings and I did not know much about the ancestry on our father’s side. There were very few stories, even about his childhood. When there are not many pleasant things to reflect on, you probably don’t want to talk about it. Oral histories are still important, even if they’re uncomfortable. In my case, it took digging into the past to understand why certain things were passed along through the generations. I think it’s important to bring things hidden in shadow into the light so healing can take place.
One day, while going through a
cedar chest I inherited, I came across a small newspaper clipping with the year
1966 written on the corner in blue ink: “Former Rainier Woman Succumbs.” As
soon as I saw the name, I knew it was the obituary for my great-grandmother,
Phocea. Her life story was a blank. She was married as a teen, divorced,
married again and died young from suicide. Once the clipping was found, using
Ancestry.com and other public sources, a story began to emerge. A cold-call to
my great-uncle Pat, who was a teenager living at home at the time of Phocea’s
death, filled in a lot of the gaps.
To better comprehend
the life of Phocea, my research went back to her mother, Emma. Emma was born in
Moscow, Russia and eventually immigrated into Montana through Canada as a child
with both of her parents around the turn of the 20th century. No
information why they left Russia is currently known, but there had been
long-standing difficulties in that country which likely influenced their
relocation. Eventually they moved farther west into Washington and Oregon. Their
lives were probably difficult. Most of the industry of this time was farming
and logging (which was confirmed with census reports).
Emma married as a teen to a much
older man, had a few children, and was widowed. She remarried when she was 33
years old. Her death certificate shared she died at 37 from a “uterine
hemorrhage and infection following self-induced abortion.” She did what she did
and died two weeks later in January 1835. Emma’s death occurred before
Fleming’s discovery of antibiotics would be available to the public in the form
of penicillin. There weren’t a lot of effective options when dealing with
infections. I can only imagine the shock, sadness, and talk of townspeople when
the news came out. Two months after Emma’s passing, Phocea married Murphy. Was
Murphy willing to care for her as she was now orphaned? Were there problems
with her step-father? What happened to her siblings? I wish I knew more.
Following public documents such a
marriage licenses, divorce records, and census reports, Phocea married her
first husband, a World War I veteran named Murphy. She was about 16, he was
around 55, and they had five children. After 22 years they divorced, but
according to Pat, the marriage ended cordially as Phocea was still young and
Murphy wanted her to have better years instead of being stuck caring for an old
man with failing health. After everything was finalized, she quickly married
Howard, a Navy man, but she would be dead less than 10 years later.
Unfortunately, the marriage to Howard was abusive and their drinking did not
make things better. Phocea’s mental health was severely deteriorating. She
attempted a suicide that left her with horrible burns and from then on was
undergoing physical and mental treatment with medical professionals.
The night before Thanksgiving in
1966, after going out, Phocea and Howard returned home fighting. According to
Pat, at some point in the night she apparently took a bottle of vodka out to
the car in the garage with a vacuum hose and was dead from carbon monoxide
poisoning by Thanksgiving morning. My dad, a young preteen himself at the time
of her death, shared that he thinks he remembers his mom receiving the phone
call that day.
Reviewing these sad stories and
aware of some of the trauma and abuse my own grandmother endured—which would
take up a book in its own right—I understand why my dad was not raised in a
pleasant, loving home. But how did I avoid that? Being protected from
these same traumas and dysfunctional family behaviors allowed me and even my
own children to have a different future.
The answer is simple: My father,
Tim chose to be a chain breaker of generational curses. As a young adult going
in the wrong direction, he realized the lives of the people around him were not
what he wanted for his own life. He left his drink untouched at a bar full of
his motorcycle buddies and returned to his apartment where a Christian roommate
helped bring him to the Lord. He later went back to his hometown where he was
drawn to one of the “good girls” he sort-of knew in high school: a shy woman
with a big family that held a strong legacy of faith. That would be my mom,
Nita.
Tim wanted a good wife and to stick
around for his own kids. He didn’t want the drinking, or drugs, or abuse to be
passed along and he had to consistently make the decision to halt the behaviors
that saturated his own upbringing. He knew he had found a good partner in Nita,
who did grow up in a loving home, full of traditional Christian values and a
strong sense of right and wrong. Together they raised their family and are now
enjoying the blessings that come from four grown children living honorable
lives and the expanded love of 14 grandchildren.
This would not have been possible
without the transformative power that comes from a relationship with Christ. It
was through him that a straight path was created and a family legacy of faith
continues. Keep in mind, there are only children of God, not grandchildren of
God – each person must accept their salvation by making the choice on who they
will serve. Thanks to the foundation of faith in my own upbringing, as for me
and my house, we will serve the Lord.
Source List:
Ancestry.com
County Naturalization Records,
Montana, 1867-1970
FindAGrave.com
Oregon State Divorces, 1925-1968
Oregon State Deaths, 1864-1968
Telephone Interview with Patrick
Murphy, July 13, 2024
U.S. Veterans Administration Master
Index, 1917-1940
U.S. Department
of Agriculture. “Penicillin Opening of an Era.” February 8, 2004. https://www.ars.usda.gov/midwest-area/peoria-il/national-center-for-agricultural-utilization-research/docs/penicillin-opening-the-era-of-antibiotics/
Washington State Marriage Records,
1854-2013
1920 United States Federal Census
1940 United States Federal Census
1950 United States Federal Census
