Saturday, September 21, 2013

First Official 5k

Several months ago I completed the couch to 5k program. Then I hit a lull until I found a running buddy. Now I have Joanna. She is a more seasoned runner and has run some pretty big races. We keep each other accountable and help each other show up and run 2-3 days a week. We usually run 3 miles but sometimes it's only 2 and occasionally we go over 3 miles by a little bit. On Saturday mornings we sometimes run with our other friend, Jessica (she's a barefoot runner which is pretty cool).

We are not fast. We take our time and pound out our distances.

I'll be honest. I hate it. I dread going in the morning and dislike the actual running part. But after I have completed I feel better and also feel a sense of accomplishment that I finished.

You've got to love endorphins!

Well, the first and only 5k race I signed up for was the Air Force 5k which is part of the HUGE Air Force Marathon. I was going to sign up for the 10k but when I went to register it was already sold out. (Insert sad face here) Had I gotten to register for that 10k I would have trained for it and increased my distance... but oh well.

We picked up all our goodie bag stuff on Thursday and the race was Friday night. That's right, in the evening. So I had the ENTIRE day to feel that dread building in the pit of my stomach.

When it was time, I got ready. Dressed in my new fancy-schmancy Air Force Marathon runner shirt I headed to the start line and meet up with my fellow runners Joanna and Jessica.
Then something happened. I started to feel excited and looking forward to this run ahead.

Then something else happened. It started to rain.

Then is poured.

Then we had thunder and lightening.

I was standing under a tent near the start line. When word came that the race was delayed I watched for a slow in the downpour then headed over to the Nutter Center where my running buddies (who had arrived later) were waiting out the storm.

We stood around and chatted and I was feeling confident, even happy, about running. That buzz from other runners anticipating their run can be contagious.

Then the news arrived that the 5k was cancelled because of unsafe running conditions. Darn you Ohio weather! We were told to go down to the expo floor and receive our finishers medals.
Jessica, Joanna, and I with our sad faces

I was bummed. I was actually SAD that I couldn't run. I almost wanted to cry because for some strange reason I actually WANTED to run those 3.1 miles. I felt like a crazy person! Who does that?!

So I have my medal but don't feel like I deserved it. Joanna said we should just go run 3.1 miles for our next run and her husband will give us our medals. That might make it better.

Now I'm on the lookout for some new 5k races. Maybe I'll be brave and do a 10k? Only time will tell.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

What good mothers do

"You okay mommy?"

His voice is so clear and innocent. Intonation perfect.

I lift up my head and see those big brown eyes with a look of concern. One hand holds a cheap sippy cup containing several grasshoppers he caught today (which he is so proud of) the other rests nonchalantly near mine on the table. He heard me sobbing.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Mommy is just sad." I try to smile.

"Why you sad?"

Such a loaded question. I know he doesn't understand. And at this time he doesn't need to be burdened. What's the point?

There's no way to explain that in preparation for his IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting early the next morning I have been going over the Evaluation Team Report (ERT) to read over everything that was discussed and referenced to in a separate meeting held only a few days ago.

A meeting he that was actually present for but was happily playing with his sister and mostly oblivious to the nine adults seriously discussing his future for the next several months which can possibly affect him for years.

Speech and Language Impairment. Suspected Cognitive Disability. Developmental Delay.

Scary terms.

It can be very hard to face reality. I've already known the truth. I have felt it deep within my soul for years. Speaking the words out loud hurt.

Reading the technical and clinical terms in straight black and white just shatter my spirit and crumble my resolve. There is no way to sugar coat results.

The percentages begin to blur. The written words are daggers to my heart and the tears fall. Below average. Socially and emotionally not age appropriate. Difficult to understand. Requires additional prompts to stay on task. Sensory issues. Plays by himself. Immature grasp. Cannot perform such-and-such...

I give up on the thickly stapled, crisp white stack of papers not even halfway through. I grab the tissues next to me and cry.

What else is there to do?

"Do your eye hurt mommy?"

I kind of chuckle to myself. Last time I was holding tissues to my face was because I had the scratched cornea. He was concerned for me then, too.

"No buddy, my eye doesn't hurt. I'm just a little sad but I'm okay. Mommy is fine. Jesus will help me feel better."

"Jesus help you?"

"Yes, Jesus will help me."

And I know He will. I bring it to Him. I lament over the why me's and the why him's and dump it at the feet of Christ. I ask for strength because there is absolutely no way I can do this without His help. We have a long road ahead of us. A very. long. road.

But I'm human. I vent a little on Facebook and am thankfully built up by friends and family. I hear Mandisa's song "Overcomer" and after originally being frustrated and wanting to beat the radio, I do feel uplifted. Finally letting out all the held back emotions does make me feel better.

My son is a gift to me. For some bewildering reason I have been blessed to be this boy's mother. I may struggle and have meltdowns. I get discouraged. But I pick myself back up and continue the battle to fight for the best future for my child -- just like other good mothers do.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

September and Eye Issues

Kids' first day of school
September has snuck up on me. As in, oh my gosh I didn't blog the entire month of August and now I have so much to catch up on that I don't think I'll ever finish, because I didn't even finish up June and July, and who wants to read a ton of old, outdated blog posts because I fell behind?!

Wow, that was a long run on. And I do not apologize.

I'll be honest... Life was crazy and hectic leading up to school starting! I was trying to savor the last few bits of summer before school started with the kids. And also, I no longer have a laptop downstairs for me to use since hubby takes it to school for his Master's work.

'Why don't you go upstairs and use the desktop?' you ask?

Because then my children will either mess around in the office, or their bedroom making more messes, or they would be unattended downstairs... and that's not really a good thing. It takes me for-freakin'-ever to type up a post. Go figure, you wouldn't think it would be so time consuming.

So here I am, late at night with a still screwed up eye, trying to blog something so I don't turn into a slacker.

Maybe I will tell you my eye story since that is current and won't take forever?!

Friday night was going well. Kids were playing, TV was on, dinner was over... and then the awful happened! Lana, who was sitting on my lap, does a weird bounce and turn, flinging her hands in the air and her finger lands in my eye. Not just IN my eye, I swear her finger got caught in my upper eyelid.

I had to control myself from screaming out loud and pushing her forcibly off my lap.

Instead I not so calmly started saying, "get off, get off, get off, GET OFF!" and slid her to the floor then immediately ran to the bathroom to wash out my eye. Silly me, I thought something was still stuck in there.

After 30 minutes of no relief from water or a cold compress I called my husband who soon came home. I also, while waiting for him, called my mom to ask if I should go to the hospital.

Ryan arrived, tried looking in my eye but still didn't see anything. I told him it felt like my eye was on fire and something was stabbing it!

I took a warm shower. No relief.

Kids were now in bed and after calling the base hospital after hours line I was told to come into the ER. Thankfully my neighbor came over to sit at the house with the sleeping kiddos while we were off to the hospital.

After what felt like being tortured with eye drops, more drops, different colored lights, prodding, weird contraptions, an eye sight test, and at least 3 different people looking me over it was proclaimed that I had a large scratch on my cornea, but it did not cross into my line of sight.

They gave me some vigamox drops to keep out infection and offered me pain meds. At first they wanted to give me vicodin and I was all like, 'What?!' I was thinking, yes, I'm in pain but I certainly don't need anything THAT strong. And I told them I couldn't be completely drugged up because my husband is working on finals this weekend and I still have to be a mom to 2 little kids. Then I agreed to Tylenol with codeine. Yeah, like that wouldn't mess me up. They told me I should feel better for sure by Sunday and that I should be about completely healed in a week.

Saturday my eye hurt worse. I had tickets for a Major League Soccer game to see the Columbus Crew play the Seattle Sounders and had been looking forward to this game for a YEAR! I finally had childcare lined up and had said before that if Ryan couldn't go, and I couldn't find somebody to go with me, I'd go by myself. Well, nobody stepped up to go with me (everybody had husbands busy with finals with no childcare) and I couldn't drive myself. By the evening I felt downright awful! My eye was swollen, I couldn't see, I hurt real bad, and I knew I would not be able to go to the game. Nobody wanted my awesome seats for the game either... and I was giving them away for free!

I called my mom and sobbed because I was so upset. There wasn't anything I could do! My disappointment and frustration just seethed out of me. Ryan has offered to take me to another Crew game, but I had wanted SO BAD to see my home team play. (Sounders, I will see you play a game eventually!)

Sunday came around and I could hardly open my eye and there was yellow and green discharge. I was living in a house where I could not handle the outside or open the window curtains, my sunglasses stayed on, I couldn't read or watch tv, and was hardly able to look at my phone. After trying 3 times to get a call back from the on call doc at the ER, Ryan decided to just take me in. He dropped me off and then took the kids out for dinner.

More prodding, drops, weird lights and eye sight exam. One of the same docs was there and when she looked at my poor eye she told me that no, it should no look like that after 2 days.

Turns out I got bacterial conjunctivitis to go with the corneal abrasion. Yay for me.

Increase the vigamox drops and add in an ointment.

Monday Night - it still hurt to open my eye that much!
A couple days later I am feeling MUCH better. Today I had a follow up with the base ophthalmologist. He says it looks like it is improving and to come back later in the week to be sure it is all healed up... or come back earlier if it gets worse.

I seem to be on the mend. I hope it keeps up. I have to look presentable for the new spouses orientation tomorrow so I think I'll go pick up some cheap eye makeup for one time use on my single, messed up eye.

Now I have some drugs kicking about. I didn't really take the Tylenol with codeine. I took it before bed every night. I tried one time during the day and that was a mistake. I was not able to function! That stuff knocked me out! So I really didn't take anything for pain during the day except normal Tylenol.

Now I can say I have experienced a scratch on my cornea. That crap HURTS! I'd prefer not to go through this again. And if any Sounders people see this post and can hook me up to see a game that'd be totally awesome!