Monday, July 16, 2012

Lonely

There is a lot I want to say right now, but I'm not sure how to say it. And self-censoring makes it more difficult.

PCSing is actually a fun and exciting time. There is the new adventure of a different place and interesting sights to see, setting up your house, finding your way around a strange city. All of it can be invigorating.

Then real life begins and you start to get into your day to day routine and discover something.

You're lonely.

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It hit me REALLY hard today. With Ryan busy with school, and studying, and working out (all things that need to be done to support us as a family) I am left by myself with the kids... all. the. time.

The AFIT Spouses have a lot of different activities to participate in but they mostly occur in the evening and do not include children. The dates and times were chosen so that husbands could be home from school. Well, that doesn't account for study time.

I have talked with several women at the play group I attend about finding sitters. The consensus is that nobody has any good ones. If the women have a function to go to they have their husbands watch the kids or they don't go. Some have other friends who can help out. Others use FCC providers.

Well, I'm in a pickle, because I don't have any friends who can watch my kids like that. There are 2, maybe 3 women I know who would be willing to help me out, but they go to the same things I go to!

And the only way to make new friends is to be present at activities and meet ladies! Which I haven't really been able to go to!

The local PWOC is gone for the summer so I'm not meeting ladies there. And turns out they may not have child care when the meetings start up again so there's a chance I can't attend.

And church? Ha. The place is so big that we have nobody to look forward to seeing every week. I want to start going to Sunday School and finding social things to do to meet other women in the church but I'm not doing too well at that.

Today, in the midst of nearly a dozen piles of laundry and mis-matched socks I laid my head down and cried. I miss Tegan. I miss my sister. I miss Albuquerque and the amazing women I knew there. I miss my old church. I hate the humidity here. I hate the flies that bite me. My daughter has minor surgery in the morning that requires general anesthesia and nobody is here to give me a hug and sympathize with my outrageous worries.

I'm a very social person and I feel like I'm in a prison. Cut off from people. I have no real relationships out here besides Ryan and my kids. There are plenty of places to explore...

But I feel so lonely.


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5 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry Sierra. It's awful to feel lonely. I dont have kids but I wouldn't know who to even hire as a babysitter either. I do know SisterCity has free accounts for milspouses to find sitters with. I pray you find peace and can make it through this hard time.

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  2. Sierra...You made me cry with you! I can't pretend to know what you're going through, but if you ever need to talk, rant & rave, or just unload your frustrations, I'm here for you! I'll be praying that God directs you to loving and caring people in your new community. Miss you!

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  3. Sorry girl! I totally know the feeling...moving to a new place and having everything you've ever known turned upside down, but no one seems to wanna help. It's frustrating and definitely lonely. I felt the same way moving out here to Germany...everyone in the hubby's squadron has kids and we don't. Totally outnumbered. But as with most things in life, it took time for friends to be made and routines to start up. It'll happen! Keeping you all in my prayers!

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  4. Oh no! I'm sorry you feel that way hun. I felt the same way when we moved to NC and I had no friends there or family to support me during tough times. You will make friends once you get settled in and things will turn out for the better! I'll be praying for you! :)

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  5. I miss you so much too!! I just ran (literally) up the stairs to go get my phone to call you, and then I remembered that this is the night that Ryan gave you to go hang out with some ladies. I so hope and pray that you had a great time tonight.

    Hang in there. I know it is so hard when you PCS and you haven't met anyone yet, but I know that the Lord has a lady out there that is just waiting to meet you so you guys can become great friends.

    Please don't hesitate to call me anytime. Even if we can only talk for a few minutes because the kids start screaming or something. Seriously- any time.

    I so wish I could have been there when Lana had her surgery to help calm fears (Sophie's had surgery twice) and pray with you and hug you.

    *HUGS* from ABQ

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